Mama’s Girl

I got a surprise visit from my mama this past weekend.  It was a sweet time and much needed.  Upon arriving from the airport we went to “Happy Hour”, I know how to show visitors a good time.  Then home for a good ‘ol mama dinner.  It’s always fun to be able to ‘order up’ your favorite dinner.  Our weekend included a trip to the boutique for a new ‘do.  So I now have a new look.  It’s amazing what a new hairstyle can do for your attitude.  It’s so much lighter and more comfortable than the other.  I’ve gotten lots of compliments on it so it must be good.  Wrapped up the weekend with a complimentary facial from mom.  She knows just what a girl needs.  It was a much needed mother/daughter time.

As for my health, continuing chemotherapy and the clinical drug.  So far I have not been as sick as I was over the 4th of July.  The doctor put me back on a very low dosage of the steroid that helped with the nausea and my appetite.  It was such a relief to not be as sick the last two rounds.

The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.”  —  Psalm 32:8



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I’m Still Here

I know it’s been forever since my last post.  I’m not sure where the time has gone.  Lots to catch up….my parents were in town over the 4th of July holiday and we went to visit John and his family.  I unfortunately was sick the entire time and required lots of rest.  For the first time also, I had a hard time with smells and food.  In all the time I’ve been in treatment I had not felt that bad or been that nauseous.  Hope I never have to do that again.  It lasted about a week, so bad I skipped a treatment because I just wasn’t up to it.  Sometimes you just have to listen to your body.  Meanwhile, I feel as though I lost a week of time.

Then there are wedding plans….good thing mom came when she did, details….details.  Even a small wedding requires decisions and I’m not very good at making them right now.  We got a lot done though.  Let me just say too, I have a great fiance who takes care of lots of details too.

As I reflect on the past couple weeks that have been highs and lows, I’m reminded of God’s faithfulness in the good and the bad.  He continues to walk me through this.  Some days I lose sight of Him and it’s not Him who moved but me who moved my eyes.  I will confess there are times I’ve begged it to be taken away, I just feel like I can’t do it anymore and He gently reminds me that I can’t do it on my own and He has me covered.  I’m reminded of all the prayer warriors that are out there.  I continue to fight and trust Him completely for my healing.

We celebrate the latest brain scan last week, it shows improvement of the brain mets and they weren’t visible in latest scan.  There are marks from the radiation but overall, Dr. Kerr was very pleased with the results.  In addition, I have been selected for the trial drug and will begin that with my chemo treatment this Friday (July 16th).  The regimen is complicated so I won’t bore you with details, just know that I have my work cut out for me with trips to the chemo infusion room.  Cancer is a full time job, between infusions and resting to build my strength back up for the next time.  But as I prayed today, I will persevere…

“You have made known to me the path of life; you fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”  — Psalm 16:11


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Wedding Update

I’d like to take today’s blog entry to give an update on wedding plans.  We will have a small intimate ceremony on September 4th.  We have yet to settle on the time but it will be an evening ceremony.  The wedding will be in Ada, Oklahoma.  The location is where we first met and how fitting that we start our life together where our story began.

We have decided to keep it small for many reasons.  It is our hope that everyone understands and supports our decision.  It’s not an easy one but it really came down to what is best for us.

We continue to thank you for your prayers and support for us through this season.  As my treatment changes and we continue to pray that I get into the clinical trial, there is so much to pray for.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” —  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


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Let Me Answer Questions

Hey everyone, I’m using this blog post today to answer everyone’s questions regarding this next phase/clinical trial.  I know a lot of you have questions and I’m going to give you all the information I know at this time.  First, I started a new “cocktail” on June 11th with the goal of adding the clinical trial drug to this new “cocktail”.  The new cocktail is necessary on its own but will be better with the trial drug.  This cocktail has a different “cycle” than previously so it is not every week although pretty close.  The clinical drug is administered specific days with the “cocktail” as well.  Like before, I just show up when they tell me to be there, so no worries if we can’t keep up with the schedule, I’ll keep you “posted”.

So today, I got a phone call from the Research Coordinator stating that my consent had been sent.  What this means is the first step to getting into the clinical trial has been issued.  So I went into the doctor’s office for a long “briefing” of how the trial works, etc.  I signed my name and now we wait for my number.  The consent just gets me a number into the “lotto” for the trial.  I know, it’s very confusing, try being me while she reads 12 pages of consent.  Trust me they don’t make it easy.

All in all, it was not so bad.  Now we pray that my number gets picked.  Oh by the way, that number is picked randomly by the computer.  In case you’re wondering, the Research Coordinator will receive an email on Thursdays.  That’s the only day that they send it out so….relax until next week we won’t know anything before then.

Love to all, I hope I’ve answered your questions, if not I probably don’t know the answer.

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”  — Psalm 62:5-6

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Answering the Right Call

It has been a few days since my last post….to be honest, I have been disconnecting.  Some of you know that I have not answered phone calls or returned them for that matter.  It’s nothing personal, it’s really all about me.  To be really transparent, I’m tired of cancer, tired of talking about it, tired of feeling tired all the time.  There, I said it.

Now, that I’ve had my temper tantrum.  I got a wake up call from the Lord…

THANK ME for the very things that are troubling you.  You are on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking your fist in My Face.  You are tempted t indulge in just a little complaining about My treatment of you.  But once you step over that line, torrents of rage and self-pity can sweep you away.  The best protection against this indulgence is thanksgiving.  It is impossible to thank Me and curse Me at the same time.

Thanking Me for trials will feel awkward and contrived at first.  But if you persist, your thankful words, prayed in faith, will eventually make a difference in your heart.  Thankfulness awakens you to My Presence, which overshadows all your problems.

Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

Really Lord, that’s what I got to hear when I’m having a temper tantrum?  Yep, that’s what I got in my devotion.  But He didn’t stop there.  I get a call from a sweet friend…she got to have the tough conversation with me on behalf of all of you.  🙂  I needed her call.  Little did she know how much she was being used by the Father.  We had a good conversation.  Sometimes, the Father and friends have to show the tough love.  Today, I’m thankful for both.

“Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again; Rejoice!”  Philippians 4:4

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Three Days

Wow….where do I start?  I feel like I lived a lifetime in three days.  It started with 2 scans taking up my Thursday.  Fortunately my good friend Christie was able to take me to my appointments and wait patiently while I had scans done that took lots of time.  I started with my Brain MRI at Medical City.  However they were not as conscientious of their time so we spent more time there than we should have.  Once we were finally done we zipped over to the PET Scan where we encountered the most unruly site.  A waiting room full of children sleeping, playing and listening to music loudly.  It was the craziest thing either of us had seen in a public place.  We truly felt like we had stepped into their living room not the medical office.  Even the staff were apologetic for the site.  After my PET Scan was completed we went directly for lunch without stopping as I had been fasting all day for the PET scan, not the thing to do to this girl.  I was starving and had lots of stuff “shot” into me by this point, I NEEDED food.

No sleeping in for this girl on Friday, hit the morning running.  Up and going to greet John to head off to the doctor appointment and happy hour.  Looking forward to the last round of cocktails.  Knowing that results were coming from the previous day’s scans I was still full of hope that we we’re walking forward with a clear PET and maybe no change in the Brain Scan.  I was not quite prepared for what he had to tell us.  “Good news and Bad news”…good news is your brain is showing signs of improvement and it is still very early to see full results.  Bad news, the PET scan shows spots on the lung.  I felt like someone just punched me in the gut.  Are you kidding me?  What is up?  It just keeps moving.  Dr. Kerr then began to lay out a plan with cocktail changes and a plan to get into a clinical trial.  It’s all very complicated and I can’t even get my brain wrapped around it.  What I do know is that they were able to get me started with the new cocktail on Friday and I will continue weekly for now.  It was a long day with the doctor followed by a couple of hours receiving the new “Jenn’s Juice”.  I’m beginning to wonder how many versions of “Jenn’s Juice” there are?  I hope I find the right one soon.  In the midst of all of this, John and I were able to read the reports and feel very excited about the Brain Scan results words like “significant interval improvement in the appearance of the scan” were very encouraging.  John and I choose to celebrate what God has done and continues to do.  We recognize that we are not done walking this journey and we will continue to trust our heavenly Father and give him the praise for the milestones.  We continue to walk in His victory.

As if that were not enough for one girl, Saturday morning was one of love, devotion and support.  John and I woke early to meet 45 of my co-workers and their family that had been training to run/walk the Susan G. Komen 5 K for me.  It was such an honor to see them and spend some time with them before they hit the ground running.  Loved it!  I can never express all that my heart feels toward them.  What an honor to work with such an amazing group of people.  A HUGE thanks to Mark Lindsley for organizing the event and the training leading up to event.  He went above and beyond.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my Fellowship Technologies for your continued love, prayers and support.

I am truly blessed and today I rest….maybe tomorrow too! 😉

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”  —  Isaiah 41:10


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Gray and Overcast

The day looks a little gray outside.  As I sit and look out the window I realize that’s what my spirit has felt like for a couple of days.  Although I had a sweet friend visiting all weekend by Sunday I was tired and slept most of the day.  By Monday my light was very dim.  Nothing anyone could do or say but I was just not feeling good.  I was a little frustrated because on Saturday I had one of my best days, I felt totally normal.  I can’t really explain the contrast but trust me I felt normal without any tingling, swelling or tightness on my head.  Everything felt just as it should.  I enjoyed the day so much.

This morning I awoke with a realization, my perspective is directly tied to my time with the Father.  And as I have been not feeling well and sleeping through my time with the Father, my day’s have become “gray and overcast”.  He’s waiting to shine light on me and my perspective and I’ve been too busy hanging out under the clouds.  Time for some sonshine.

Ok, I wrote the beginning of today’s blog as a confession before I did my quiet time and now I’m blown away so I have to share with you.  I’m just gonna share my whole devotional with you today and let you see how God works, I couldn’t make this up…..

I want you to be ALL MINE, filled with the Light of My Presence.  I gave everything for you by living as a man, then dying for your sins and living again.  Hold back nothing from Me.  Bring your most secret thoughts into the Light of My Love.  Anything you bring to Me I transform and cleanse from darkness.  I know everything about you, far more than you know of yourself.  But I restrain My yearning to “fix” you, waiting instead for you to come to Me for help.  Imaging the divine restraint this requires, for I have all Power in heaven and on earth.

Seek My Face with a teachable spirit.  Come into My Presence with thanksgiving, desiring to be transformed.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.”  —  Psalm 100:4


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