“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” — Psalm 37:4
I am living this and it is crazy good. I’ve heard this verse so many times over the past 20 years walking as a Christ-follower. I am truly living it now. As this journey has unfolded before me I have seen curve-balls, highs and lows, joy and peace that surpass understanding. I’ve seen so much of God’s glory that I thought it was too much and if He revealed anymore to me that I’d have to go on home and be with Him because it was more than I could handle on this side of heaven. He has been so real in my life that I cannot deny His presence. He is daily fulfilling my dreams and I am humbled by his grace and mercy each day. This week has been amazing, let me pick up from last week and my last entry to share a glimpse of all God is doing.
When we last left each other, I had been to the ER and John was on a train back to OK. Let’s just say that when I shared the Dr.’s orders he immediately recognized her intelligence and responded appropriately. He asked if he could come to Dallas on Friday to be with me through my treatment and spend time with me after wards. Being the smart and intelligent woman that I am immediately agreed and waited anxiously for each passing day. Not to fear there were lessons to learn with each day. God’s plan is always better than ours and I’ve come to that place in my relationship with Him of submission. I faced each day with great expectation and He met all along the way. There were many things that my heart was anxious about and He spoke direct instruction over me, as I obeyed He responded with answers and blessings beyond my expectations. I sat in awe of His delivery and almost speechless (literally).
On Wednesday, I had to spend time on some unanswered questions and appointments that were not correct according to my records. After several phone calls to connect with Dr. Kerr’s nurse I finally got to express all my concerns. At this point, my priority was to get the results about the cancer from my CT scan. As I drove home Wednesday I received a voicemail from the nurse, she had spoken with Dr, Kerr, some lymph nodes were larger some were smaller but nothing was indicating reason for concern. He changed my 2nd half of ‘jenn’s juice’ to every 28 days instead of 21. I will see the doctor next week not this week. When I was done listening, I immediately did what any girl would do, I called my mom. As I began to talk to my mom she pointed out that I was frustrated and venting it on her, so I had to regroup and she helped me to identify what I was frustrated about. I was frustrated because I felt like I didn’t have clear answers to the spots on the lungs, defined answers for ‘larger’ and ‘smaller’, what am supposed to do with that and why the change from 21 to 28 days. I felt like I was loosing confidence. As my mom listened she helped me sort through what I know and what I needed clarified. She also made a big point that my doctors have always had my best care in their interest and they have done everything to this point and proven themselves to stay on top of it as much as they could. As we ended our conversation I felt much better than where we started.
The next morning I had a revelation and when I spoke with my mom I shared it with her. All my frustration was really me doubting God’s provision. He has not taken his hand off me at any point and I know his hand is there now. I was going to trust the Lord in this situation and know that he already has this under control. I will trust God is leading my doctors in their decisions and choices for my medical care. God has placed very intelligent people who have proven themselves trustworthy and compassionate about my care. God is the ultimate physician and the enemy would find great pleasure in trying to build a wedge of doubt between me and God.
So today I sit with a peace and a call to be obedient to wait until next week, continuing on ‘jenn’s juice’ as-is. God is in control and I am not going to panic or worry about something that I cannot control. I have a peace in my heart that He will deliver me through my cancer and my frustration is not going to effect anyone but me. Please continue to pray God’s healing over my body. I cannot express in words the peace I have had from the beginning that I will stand on the other side of this celebrating how God has used this and delivered me. He is faithful!
Well why stop there, the week wasn’t over yet. I faced today(Friday) with great excitement as John was coming to Dallas. He wanted to be with me at my treatment. I cannot express how touched I was by his kindness and compassion. I am truly blown away and in awe of the Father’s provision to fulfill the desires of my heart. As the time came for us to make our way to my appointment, I always try to be very sensitive to ‘first-time guest’ and explain the process. He was so sweet to let me know he was following me and there for whatever I needed. He was a calm and resilient presence with me today. I could not have asked for a sweeter opportunity than what we shared today. By the way, the nurses think he’s cute, I agreed wholeheartedly. He took such sweet care of me and made sure I got time to rest and recover from the Benadryl ‘hangover’. We finished our evening over a great meal at my favorite little Italian place. Although we’re 3 hours apart and he’s on his way back to OK, I think it’s safe to say, this is the beginning of something special….
“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:19
“For our light and momentary troubles achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” — 2 Corinthians 4:17