Monthly Archives: February 2010

Reflections from the Week

As I sit here and reflect on this week it has been a great week.  I often find myself looking over each week with what worked well and what did I struggle with in health and spirit.  This past week has been a good week of health.  Every day is a day to adjust the pace, live and learn what you can and can’t do in a day.  Some days I have more stamina than others.  As the weeks go on adjustments are made almost daily.  I remind myself that this is just a season.

If you know anything about me by now it is that I am as open and transparent as I can be here.  There were many moments this week that I have felt at odds, I couldn’t really put my finger on it.  Then this morning as I sat with my bible and devotion it hit me, I had skipped my quiet time for a couple days.  I realized what a difference it makes, there is so much truth to putting His word in our minds and our hearts each day.  I felt as if something was missing and it was.

It was so refreshing to spend my morning with the Lord.  He had many truths to speak to me and they came in a variety of ways throughout the day.  He started with my devotion this morning, speaking straight to my heart about not comparing myself to others.  Wow, isn’t that the tough one to swallow?  But how sweet is it to know that our relationship with the Father is as individual as we are.  It’s like no other, He wants to have a unique individual relationship with each of us, will you allow Him to pursue you?

As if that weren’t enough, He used this morning’s message to speak more truth into my life, He’s like that you know.  It was a sweet time of worship and a great message of truth and reminder that Christ came to give us an abundant life.  Are you living in that abundance?  If not what’s keeping you from it?

The list goes on of all the Lord has spoken to me today through His word, His church and His people.  Thank you Father for the sweet reminder of how intimately you know me and love me.  Even in the times that I can’t put my finger on exactly what is troubling my soul He shines his light on it to reveal His truth in my life.  I love how He does that.  He wants to do the same for you.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”  — John 3:16-17

“I have come that they may have life; and have it to the full.”  — John 10:10

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Random Thoughts

Just thinking…..this and that.  I sit in awe of all the Lord has done and continues to do.  Just when I think it can’t get better, it does!  Go God.  Though my circumstances seem to be overwhelming He gives the peace that surpasses understanding.

Today I had an appointment that confirmed the sinus symptoms are simply a side effect of the chemo drugs.  Doesn’t sound fun but each time it’s “normal” is a huge celebration.  I was thankful for a friend who was able to go with me.  All in all a great day.

Be still in the light of My Presence, while I communicate Love to you.  There is no force in the universe as poweful as My Love.  You are constantly aware of limitations:  your own and others’.  But there is no limit to My love; it fills all of space, time and eternity.

Now you see through a glass, darkly, but someday you sill see Me face to Face.  Then you will be able to experience fully how wide and long and high and deep is My Love for you.  If you were to experience that now, you would be overwhelmed to the point of feeling crushed.  But you have an eternity ahead for you, absolutely guaranteed, during which you can enjoy My Presence in unrestricted ectasy.  For now, the knowledge of My loving Presence is sufficient to carry you through each day.

Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in you inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”  —  Ephesians 3:16-19

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Reality Check

It’s the beginning of another work week which means another weekend is behind.  The weekends have been a great time for me to be able to get together with friends and “live”.  They are slowly turning into a time of rest, not by choice but by demand by my body.  The reality check is that as I have gone from treatment twice a week to once a week there’s a whammy dose on Fridays.  Over the past two weeks I’ve noticed what a toll it takes on my energy level.  Initially on Friday evenings, I am wired from all the steroids then Saturday comes the fall.  It’s crazy the toll it takes on your system.  I am adjusting to resting over the weekends so that I’m able to work through the week.  All is good, sometimes you have to make adjustments.  Time for a few adjustments.  What I appreciate most?   All of you who have taken such good care of me.  Thank you for the meals and help with doctors appointments.    I truly could not ask for more.  Thank you.

On a side note, my chemo is now 16 weeks instead of 12.  That’s all I know at this point, not anything particular other than this course of drug treatment is 16 weeks not 12.

Today as I was doing my quiet time the Lord took me to a verse that I have not been to since the day before I discovered my tumor.  I found great comfort as the note in my bible is a celebratory moment.  Today it served as a reminder the Lord continues to carry me through this journey.  Today, I rejoice with Him.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  — 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

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‘Tis the Night Before 35

Wow, tomorrow is the big 3-5!!!  I can hardly believe it.  Looking forward to another celebration with friends.  I have been blessed with several from co-workers today to catching up with friends tonight to a night out tomorrow!

I have reason to celebrate today.  (Don’t worry, I did)  I had my monthly check-up with the surgeon today and she said, next month we would look at a plan to start reconstructive.  Woo Hoo!!!  That’s means so much more than just reconstructive for me, it means the end is in sight, I see the finish line.

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.  Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”  —  Philippians 3:10-14

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Live and Learn

Ever have one of those days….yeah, that’s me today.  No one to blame but myself.  Let’s just say that “live and learn” could be an understatement.  I won’t go into details.  I had to stop and pray just to get through the day.  The Lord definitely showed up and sent a friend to listen and help at just the right time.  I love when He does that.  I feel like my day ended on a high note, love it when that happens.

On another note, my health is doing well.  The doctor added a new cocktail to “Jenn’s Juice” last Friday and with a new cocktail comes some adjustment.  They told me that I shouldn’t have any nausea but I did…not terrible but bad enough that I noticed.  Thankfully I have a pill to fix that and it did.  I felt a little run down, not bad all things considered.

Prayer request for Thursday, I have an appointment with the surgeon.  It’s a monthly check-up and to make sure the skin is healing well.  I continue to pray for speedy recovery to be able to move forward with future surgeries.

“Now to him who is able t do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”  —  Ephesians 3:20

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I’m So Excited (Part 2)

Life is good even in the midst of trouble. I had a great time of worship this morning. There is something so sweet about being with the Father and this morning He met me right there. Today marks a milestone in my life and I face it with a bit of sadness but more importantly I face it with celebration of the love that I have. God has been so good to me over the past year. This morning we sang a song that reminded me of this:

Your eye is on the sparrow
And Your hand, it comforts me
From the ends of the Earth to the depth of my heart
Let Your mercy and strength be seen

You call me to Your purpose
As angels understand
For Your glory, may You draw all men
As Your love and grace demand

And I will run to You
To Your words of truth
Not by might, not by power
But by the spirit of God
Yes I will run the race
‘Till I see Your face
Oh let me live in the glory of Your grace

I will Run to You – Hillsong

I shared a couple weeks ago that there is something I’m very excited about but would not voice it. God has continued to nudge my heart and prompt me in a way that scares me to death first because I don’t feel equipped;  second, once I voice it then comes accountability and let’s be honest how many of us really enjoy that? Even now, I sit here clenching my hands afraid to tell you. I must say that I had a few good laughs at the guesses you all had last week over that post. Well, here it goes….

For a long time I’ve had a dream to do this. It isn’t something I’ve shared, it’s been tucked away in my heart and mind but never knew what or how it would come to be. The Lord has continued to prompt me and has even used my cancer to encourage me to write. When I started this blog it was simply a way for me to communicate to my family and friends and for me to share my journey as I walk through this season. The time has come for me to fulfill my dream of writing a book. I can’t believe I just said it. Unbeknownst to many of you, your encouragement and comments have been the Lord using you to work on me.

I know this sounds crazy, trust me I’ve had all those same thoughts. I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t how to do it and I’m certainly not sure what I’m going to say. But I do believe without a doubt the Lord has laid it on my heart to go for my dream….

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”  — Isaiah 41:13

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Done with Radiation

Glad that is over….it wasn’t painful, it was easy, a few side effects…then what’s the problem? Freedom! I feel like I got my time back. You don’t really think about it until you an appointment every morning, to do the same thing over and over again. Oh my, I’m so glad to be done with that.

The best part is that it’s one step closer to putting all of this behind me. I finally feel like I’ve completed something. A little hiccup along the way, someone took the bus for an off road adventure. We’re back on track and we’ve just accomplished a major milestone. Done.

I did get a little snapshot of the latest piece of radiation equipment. If you remember last week I posted a picture of the big machine that was “beaming” radiation into my body. Well, here’s what delivered the last 8 doses of radiation…..

Amazing to me! It must have been some powerful radiation because Dr. Munoz had to be present and see me for every treatment. Not the case with the previous 28 treatments. All I can say is it better work.

I continue to pray that God will continue to heal my body quickly. The radiation stays in my body for about 4 weeks after treatment. I have been told that reconstructive won’t be considered for 4-6 months after radiation to allow the skin to return “normal”. It is my prayer that God would heal me quickly.

In addition, my friends Nicole and Christy came to Dallas last weekend and we have been up to something….all I can say is mark your calendars for October 15-17th. Details coming soon. I can guarantee you won’t want to miss this. Stay tuned….

“Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” — Psalm 37:4

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