Confession

Oh what a week, I think I love weeks like this.  I’ll let you know later.  I’ve had a really sweet time with the Lord this week.  Particularly one day as I was driving reflecting on the previous day.  The subject of dating had been the topic amongst some friends.  We had a great conversation and it never hurts to let them know that you’re available for introductions to eligible bachelors.  So as I was driving the next day I found myself in conversation with the Lord, and the words came out of my mouth, ‘I’m ok having cancer but not ok being single.’  Now, it took me a minute because I couldn’t believe I had just really said that.  But it was out there and I couldn’t take it back if I tried.  It wouldn’t matter, He already knew because he knows my thoughts and I’ve thought it plenty of times.  I decided to leave that conversation in the car and went on with my evening.  Trust me, I knew better than to think it was over, He was just going to let me chew on my words for a while.  And I did. 

The next morning, I found myself reading His word and you guessed it, here it comes….’Jennifer, do you trust me?’  I’m a little stubborn, so this isn’t the first time He’s asked me that.  I recognized His voice clearly, even more so when He took me to His word that he had given me a year ago.  I love it when He takes me back, it always reminds that He never forgets.  So we continued our conversation.  (I’ll share a little but you aren’t privied to the whole thing.)  One might think that I had this great intense time with the Lord, and sometimes I do but this one was quite humorous to me as we shared some laughs over the subject.  Sometimes that’s how we are.  I won’t soon forget this conversation, as I prayerfully surrendered and laid my anxious heart at the cross.  I laughed out loud at my next comment to him.  In typical Jenn fashion, I reminded him that I’m sure I’ll be back to pick it up and carry it on my own because that’s what I do.  We laughed and he reminded me that He already knows. 

I share this to be transparent and for accountability.  I know I’m not alone.  Many of my friends and I have shared this conversation with one another and we all struggle.  He loves us just the same and has a plan so much bigger than ours.  To our married friends, we know you have lots of ‘advise’ and we love that you care for us so much to encourage us.  But trust me when I say, we’ve heard it all.  🙂  Keep it coming though because one of these days we’re going to write the book and you don’t want to be left out.  I say that with a light heart and laughter, no offense meant to anyone.  The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.

And one final word, I found this last night and have to share:

My Paper Heart

How do I start this?  I am in awe of what the Lord has done in me.  This has been the hardest, scariest, most rewarding year of my life.  I have known sorrow and I have known joy.  God has spoken quietly the words of His heart and He has shown me colors in the grayest hues of winter.  He has sung songs over me in solitude and He has never let go of my fragile, paper heart.  He knows every corner of it – the tattered, torn and untouched places.  He knows the songs that move it, the words that pierce it and the people He uses to change it.  I am forever safe in His hands.  In turn I say to you.  Beloved, let Him romance you with the things that He alone knows will take your breath away.  He longing for you.  Can you hear Hm calling?

Francesca Battistelli

My Paper Heart

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go, he’s the one who will keep you on track.”  — Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)