Monthly Archives: January 2010

I’m So Excited, I Just Can’t Hide It

I’ve had such a great relaxing day.  I awoke early, 7:30a seems to be my new norm.  I started my day with a fire, cup of coffee and some time with the Father.  It was there I became so excited about what’s to come.  I am in a sweet, sweet place with the Lord and my life.  There are days that are frustrating but the sweetest days follow.  This weekend He has provided so much for me.  I’ve been blessed with great times with friends all weekend.  I sometimes look at my life and think someone pinch me because I must be dreaming, it is good.  I have a dream in my heart and I feel the Lord is leading me to take a huge step.  I’m not ready to reveal it just yet but I will say that He confirms my desire daily through His prompting and encouragement from friends.  One day…..it’s coming soon.

For today, He gave me awesome scriptures and I share them with you, hope you find encouragement and strength in His word.

Psalm 112:4-7  Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.  Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice.  Surely he will never be shaken; a righteous man will be remembered forever.  He will have no fear of bad news, his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Psalm 28:7  The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trust in him, and I am helped.  My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Matthew 6:34  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Psalm 56:3-4  When I am afraid, I will trust in you.  In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid.  What can mortal man do to me?

Genesis 28:15  I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land.  I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.

How can I help being excited after reading promises such as these.  He holds my future.

Please pray this week as I finish my initial radiation treatment.  I have 5-7 extra treatments focused on the area the cancer returned.  I continue with chemotherapy, my body is handling the treatments and I praise God for my stamina.  In addition, I have an MRI scheduled on Tuesday.  I had some blurry vision in my right eye this past Thursday.  The doctor wants to make sure all is well.  I have not had any problems before or since.  I’m confident that all is well but not willing to take any chances so I will spend Tuesday at Medical City.  Thank you for your continued prayers.

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PMS Still Happens

Before I expand on the title let me say that I had an awesome week.  My sweet sister, Pam, and her daughter, Amber, flew to Dallas for a Girls Weekend.  It was such a sweet time of rest and girl time, ie. shopping.  Loved it!!!  Still trying to talk Amber into a pair of cowboy boots but she’s too cool.  Pam and I on the other hand bought hook, line and sinker.  We can totally pull them off.  Now on to to a little 2-step around the dance floor.  With one look at my boots, my dance card will be filling up quickly. 😉

We had a great visit and they were also able to visit with family in Dallas.  My heart is full from their visit.  They were a huge help with some things that I needed done that only a sister can do for you. We spent one afternoon in treatment and I was glad that Amber was able to see that process and know that I’m o.k.  It isn’t all the drama we see on t.v.  Although we did have a little drama, we watched a chic flick while I got Jenn’s Juice.  Hey what can I say, that’s what happens when there are no boys!

Wednesday came and it was time to return them to their boys.  It was bittersweet, I was grateful for our time but wanted to keep them forever.  I’m a smart girl, I knew I could never win that one with Delton (husband and father).  So I graciously surrendered them to the plane that would return them home.  Of course we planned our next visit before they left, we are girls after all, we always have a plan.

Then it happens….PMS.  Yes, you can still have pms and cancer.  I will admit I have been in a cranky mood the past 2 days.  Some have been concerned about my “Cancer Sucks” comment on twitter.  Who knew so many were reading?  Let me explain, I decided that instead of being grumpy with others I would direct my “grumpiness” toward cancer.  I think they call that channeling, I call it survival at this point. 🙂  I truly am good.  I’ve learned that I have to be smarter than my feelings sometimes and sometimes there’s no other way to describe it.  Thank you to my friends who have shared many laughs over my “PMS” transparency.  It happens.  I’m still a woman, boobs or no boobs, hair or no hair, somethings never change.  (sorry men, you probably didn’t want to read that last line.)

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  — 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

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Confession

Oh what a week, I think I love weeks like this.  I’ll let you know later.  I’ve had a really sweet time with the Lord this week.  Particularly one day as I was driving reflecting on the previous day.  The subject of dating had been the topic amongst some friends.  We had a great conversation and it never hurts to let them know that you’re available for introductions to eligible bachelors.  So as I was driving the next day I found myself in conversation with the Lord, and the words came out of my mouth, ‘I’m ok having cancer but not ok being single.’  Now, it took me a minute because I couldn’t believe I had just really said that.  But it was out there and I couldn’t take it back if I tried.  It wouldn’t matter, He already knew because he knows my thoughts and I’ve thought it plenty of times.  I decided to leave that conversation in the car and went on with my evening.  Trust me, I knew better than to think it was over, He was just going to let me chew on my words for a while.  And I did. 

The next morning, I found myself reading His word and you guessed it, here it comes….’Jennifer, do you trust me?’  I’m a little stubborn, so this isn’t the first time He’s asked me that.  I recognized His voice clearly, even more so when He took me to His word that he had given me a year ago.  I love it when He takes me back, it always reminds that He never forgets.  So we continued our conversation.  (I’ll share a little but you aren’t privied to the whole thing.)  One might think that I had this great intense time with the Lord, and sometimes I do but this one was quite humorous to me as we shared some laughs over the subject.  Sometimes that’s how we are.  I won’t soon forget this conversation, as I prayerfully surrendered and laid my anxious heart at the cross.  I laughed out loud at my next comment to him.  In typical Jenn fashion, I reminded him that I’m sure I’ll be back to pick it up and carry it on my own because that’s what I do.  We laughed and he reminded me that He already knows. 

I share this to be transparent and for accountability.  I know I’m not alone.  Many of my friends and I have shared this conversation with one another and we all struggle.  He loves us just the same and has a plan so much bigger than ours.  To our married friends, we know you have lots of ‘advise’ and we love that you care for us so much to encourage us.  But trust me when I say, we’ve heard it all.  🙂  Keep it coming though because one of these days we’re going to write the book and you don’t want to be left out.  I say that with a light heart and laughter, no offense meant to anyone.  The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.

And one final word, I found this last night and have to share:

My Paper Heart

How do I start this?  I am in awe of what the Lord has done in me.  This has been the hardest, scariest, most rewarding year of my life.  I have known sorrow and I have known joy.  God has spoken quietly the words of His heart and He has shown me colors in the grayest hues of winter.  He has sung songs over me in solitude and He has never let go of my fragile, paper heart.  He knows every corner of it – the tattered, torn and untouched places.  He knows the songs that move it, the words that pierce it and the people He uses to change it.  I am forever safe in His hands.  In turn I say to you.  Beloved, let Him romance you with the things that He alone knows will take your breath away.  He longing for you.  Can you hear Hm calling?

Francesca Battistelli

My Paper Heart

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go, he’s the one who will keep you on track.”  — Proverbs 3:5-6 (The Message)

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Look Mom, No Hair

I took a bold step for me over the past 2 days, no hair!  That’s right, I left the wig at home and opted to wear a scarf instead.  It has been awesome.  Co-workers and friends have been so supportive.  I even went out 2 nights in a row without the wig.  The best moment was this morning when my radiation tech came over to me while I waited my turn and said, “I didn’t realize that wasn’t your hair”.  My wig stands the test, it looks so real. 

I’m doing well, had a good check-up with Dr. Laidley (surgeon) this morning.  I asked about reconstructive surgery and she says it will be 4-6 months after radiation.  That did not thrill me at all.  I was hoping to start much sooner.  We’ll see, I’m praying that my skin heals quickly and we’re able to get that started sooner than later. 

I love being back at work, Fellowship Technologies, lovingly referred to as 6363.  I am truly blessed to work with a family.  It is place I look forward to going to every day.  They have been incredibly supportive and fun to be with.  My team and I have had the best time making fun of cancer.  Not to be mean but to truly understand it has no power in my life and therefore we don’t take ourselves too seriously.  Laughter is the best medicine and we have plenty for all.  I love working there.

Tomorrow completes week 2 of 12 for this course of chemo.  I continue to pray for healing and that this course of treatment will prevail.  God continues to show his mercy and grace with each twist and turn along this journey and I am grateful for that.  He is my Great Physician.

Approach this day with awareness of who is boss.  As you make plans for the day, remember that it is I who orchestrate the events of your life.  On days when things go smoothly, according to your plans, you may be unaware of My sovereign Presence.  On days when your plans are thwarted, be on the lookout for Me!  I may be something important in your life, something quite different from what you expected.  It is essential at such times to stay in communication with Me, accepting My way as better than yours.  Don’t try to figure out what is happening.  Simply trust Me and thank Me in advance for the good that will come out of it all.  I know the plans I have for you, and they are good.

Jesus Calling

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  — Isaiah 55:9

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  — Jeremiah 29:11

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Let’s Hear It for The Boys

This time in January will always hold a special place in my heart.  So I’m not surprised at what God has been showing me lately.  It’s funny how certain times we’re more aware of something than we are at other times.  For instance, lately I’ve been keenly aware of men.  (Not what you’re thinking)  I have been in many situations where I’ve had the opportunity to observe them interact with women.  Some specific instances have been while their wife, girlfriend, friend or sister is battling cancer.  Though, they may never utter a word in my presence, I can’t help but hear them.  They exude compassion and strength.  There’s something that communicates “I will do anything to protect her”.  They are in the battle.  At the same time they watch her with amazement as she exudes strength.  She is in the fight of her life and he wants nothing more than to protect her from the war that is raging against her. 

As I watch and observe I realize they are responding in their purest nature.  God has wired them to respond this way over women.  It’s to love her as Christ loves.  This isn’t something you can create, it is in pure essence,  love.  He is the protector, he was given that role and desire by our Creator.  It’s who he is and what he does.

Men, I watch in silence but I want to praise you publicly and say you have a tough role in this battle but you continue to be my heroes.  You love her and stand by her while everything in you is raging with anger against something you cannot fight against.  That can’t be easy.  Some days, Iam moved to tears as I watch men sit with her as she fights for her life.  Thank you.

To my girlfriends, be grateful for the men in our lives, no matter the relationship status and thank them for standing in the gap for us.  No matter what our battle may be; may we remember that God has created them with a natural desire to protect us.   I am amazed day after day at the compassion that men have for us as we fight this war raging against us.   

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  — 1 Corinthians 13:7

“Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.  Do everything in love.”  — 1 Corinthians 16:13-14

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Weekend Getaway

Well, I did it!  I flew home for the weekend.  It was a once in a lifetime weekend for The Springs and I couldn’t miss it.  I enjoyed surprising so many of you.  It was a sweet weekend.  I wasn’t able to see everyone as I had to stay low-key and rest while I was home.  I cannot express how full my heart is and was to be home. 

In addition, some of my family was able to come visit for the first time since my diagnosis.  It was a special weekend.  I am truly blessed with a loving family and great friends.  It was a quick trip but totally worth it.

I’m doing well.  I feel good.  Others are telling me that I look good, I’ll have to take their word on it. 🙂  I have 11 radiation treatments left and continue with week 2 of 12 chemo treatments.  I’ve been able to keep up as much of normal life as possible.  I continue give praise to God for giving me the strength and stamina to persevere through this trial.  I continue to stand firm that I will be delivered through this season.  God is so good.  There are many things I see Him preparing me for.  He is stretching me in many areas and using so many of you to encourage me in areas that I’ve only dreamed about.  I look forward to each day for new insight and new teachings. 

“For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”  — 2 Corinthians 4:17

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Happy Hour

I think I seriously disappointed the waiter this evening when all I ordered was an iced tea.  He overheard me say it had been a long day and he thought I was gonna order ’em up.  I did however enjoy a great time with the ladies.  It’s so fun being a lady.  God has truly blessed me with great friends. 

I’ve had a good week.  I really feel like I’m living a normal life: work, friends, a date here and there, oh and the daily trip to the hospital.  No biggie, just goin’ about my business.  The key is pace, it’s not a sprint it’s a marathon.  And I am ready for the finish line.  I’m really doing well.  I feel good, my energy is staying up.  I’ve had a day or two that I’ve felt sluggish but most days I feel normal.  Today marked the halfway point for radiation.  Tomorrow also completes week 1 of 12 weeks of chemo treatments. 

I’m so excited for the weekend.  I can hardly wait, I had to get special permission from the doctor…. (if you know my little secret, don’t spoil it)  For the rest of you, stay tuned.  I’ll keep you updated.  No questions and no guessing.  I will tell you all about it, I promise.

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  — Psalm 118:24

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