Monthly Archives: December 2009

All Moved In

Well, the move is done.  All moved in and (mostly) unpacked.  Thank you to many friends who have pitched in and made it all possible.  I feel settled and only a few things left to do. 

In addition to moving, I started radiation today.  It was longer today than it will be in the future.  As I laid on the table, I began thinking about the procedure and realized that there’s so much in life we don’t think about until we have to face them head on.  This isn’t something I ever thought about “what if”.  Today it is my reality.  All is well, 1 down 27 to go.  I am making plans to go back to work after the first of the year.  I’m very excited to get back to 6363.

Looking forward to Christmas and spending time with family and friends.  I hope each of you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

My Plan for your life is unfolding before you.  Sometimes the road you are traveling seems blocked, or it opens up so painfully slowly that you must hold yourself back.  Then, when time is right, the way before you suddenly clears – through no effort of your own.  What you have longed for and worked for I present to you freely as pure gift.  You feel awed by the ease with which I operate in the world, and you glimpse My Power and My Glory.

Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly.  As you persevere along the path I have prepared for you, depending on My strength to sustain you, epect to see miracles – and you will.  Miracles are not always visible to the naked eye, but those who live by faith can see them clearly.  Living by faith, rather than sight, enables you to see My Glory.

Written by Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

“We live by faith, not by sight.” –2 Corinthians 5:7



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Darn my Luck

Today was a good dayof appointments, I started with the Physical Therapist followed up with Dr. Kerr, oncologist.  I did it, arm is over the head.  That means CT scan tomorrow.  Woo Hoo!!!!  I will have therapy for the next few days up to Christmas Eve.  Following that good news I went on to see Dr. Kerr.  We discussed the course of treatment going forward.  I will continue to take the medication daily while undergoing radiation.  Once that is completed, 5-6 weeks, I will begin 2 new medicines.  The next round of chemo will be combination of a weekly infusion and one every 3 weeks for 12 weeks.  After much disccussion of side effects and why this is the best course of action, we disccussed how I can manage my time over the next few months.  I plan to go back to work after the first of the year.  He believes that I will be able to work but that’s about it.  He suggest help with meals, errands and housekeeping.  I shared with him the outpour of help I’ve received and he was so encouraged.  He does warn that the fatigue will get worse as the treatment continues.  I pray that the Lord will give me strength to do what needs to be done.  I’m ready to get back to work and back to living.  The urgency is over.  Now is the season for response and not reaction. 

Before I left we had one more bit of information to go over, my genetic test results were in and they are negative.  NEGATIVE?  So then where did this come from?  Well he says, it’s kind of like a piano falling on your head.  We don’t have a source.  Darn my luck.  Are you kidding me?  I’m relieved and stunned at the same time.  But most of all continue to look forward to the day it’s all behind me.  The cancer is gone but the treatments continue to prevent it from spreading or growing somewhere else.  Our main concern is to keep it from growing on my chest wall, this is the doctor’s biggest concern.  He’s confident that this course of treatment is the best to insure my health. 

On another note, I’m packed or should I say, mostly packed to move on Sunday.  Two girlfriends spent their day packing my apartment.  For those of you who know me that was no easy task.   The movers come on Sunday and move me to the new apartment.  I’m excited to be able to get all settled in and maybe put the tree up before Christmas. 

” For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”  — 2 Corinthians 4:6

“Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.  Praise the Lord.”  — Psalm 150:6


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The Gift

This has been an incredible week for me.  Not in the way many may think but in the quietness of the days, the Lord has spoken to me.  I am overwhelmed and there’s so much I want to share and not even sure where to begin.  As you have read last week was probably my darkest week throughout this journey, I was overwhelmed with emotions and sadness.  As my dad keeps reminding me, “keep your chin up”.  There is so much truth in that statement.  I tried dad, I really tried, some days were just not as easy as others.   With my chin up and my face gazing upon our heavenly father I made it.  His joy does come in the morning. 

For many this season has its own set of difficulties.  The holidays are supposed to be filled with rejoicing and remembering.  Sometimes it’s in those memories that we hurt the most.  For me, and for some of you, I know this Christmas will look so different from years past.  Shoot, to be honest it looks so different from last year.  Oh my, how things can change in 365 days or should I say, in just a day or a moment.  For me, this year has been life-changing from love lost to cancer. 

As I made it through the past week of sadness and emotions, I came into this week looking for God’s grace and mercy.  As He always does he revealed it to me in abundance.  I’ve been given a gift in cancer.  I am not the same person I was a year ago.  He has walked with me and talked with me and been faithful beyond what I deserve.  He has shown me what it is to love beyond myself even if it breaks your heart.   After all, isn’t that what He does for us.  He has shown me what it is to depend on Him when everything else is gone.  He has shown me an abundance of love in family and friends who have sacrificed their own needs to care for me in my time of need.  He has provided for my physical need, spiritual need and financial needs through family, friends and strangers.  That is a debt I can never repay and that my friend is what I call a gift.  Those of you who have given sacrificially to one who can not repay it, have loved me as Christ has loved you. 

I may have cancer but cancer doesn’t have me.  My identity is in Christ, not cancer.  I may have to wear fake hair and stuff my bra (sorry guys) to hide the “look” of cancer but it is Christ who is at work in me, not cancer.  I believe that I am not the same person I was before October 20th.  I have been given a gift in cancer and I don’t want to waste it.

This year as I look upon this Christmas season I may not be or have what I thought I would a year ago but God’s ways are so much higher than ours.  It is my prayer that we all “keep our chin up” and remember who this is all about.  He sent His only son to die for us, so that we may have an abundant life here on earth and eternal life in His presence.  That my friend is the gift that keeps on giving.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  — Romans 15:13

“He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught.”  — Isaiah 50:4b

“See, darkness cover the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, BUT (emphasis mine) the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you.”  — Isaiah 60:2


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D.I.Y. Physical Therapy

I learned today that sometimes you have to take things into your own hands.  I received a phone call from the Physical Therapy office today setting my appointment for Thursday.  I kindly accepted my appointment time with an explanation that due to the holidays they are booked.  I promptly thought of plan B and called my doctor’s office with an alternate plan to get me started on radiation next Monday.  We’ve come too far to slow down now.  So I have convinced the doctor to let me work on my own physical therapy at home this week, see the therapist on Thursday for their opinion and approval to proceed with my CAT scan on Friday in order to start radiation on Monday.  They have agreed that with the right excercises and practice several times a day with the goal to get my arm over my head, I should be set by Friday.  I have my work cut out for me this week.

Overall, I had a great day.  It’s been so great to hear from all of you, I underestimated how much I was missed during my hiatus.  It’s so great to be back.  This morning I was taken back to a very special verse in my quiet time so of course, I have to share it with you.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” –Proverbs 3:5-6


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Back from My Hiatus

I’m baaaack…

I won’t lie, it’s been a rough week.  This week marked 8 weeks since my diagnosis.  Wow, the time has flown and I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster ride, one that I would like to get off right about now.  I had a big day at the doctors on Tuesday and by big I mean, meltdown.  Didn’t see that one coming but for the first time I went from I have cancer to what are you doing for me to keep it from coming back.  Not sure what flipped the switch in me but I suddenly felt overwhelmed that we didn’t have to react and now we need to be proactive.  I don’t want cancer to grow anywhere else.  The chemo pills prescribed didn’t seem proactive enough for me, somehow I wasn’t convinced in the moment of overwhelming emotions.  After a little research (thank you, Aunt Ruth) we discovered that this medication is proven successful and prescribed for patients with more advanced cancer than mine.  Once again, I’m reminded that I don’t have M.D behind my name and they do. 

So, here’s the plan for now, chemo pills twice daily, Monday thru Friday.   Radiation will begin as soon as I can get flexibility in my arm.  The doctor feels its nothing a week in physical therapy can’t fix.  So now I add another doctor to the mix.  How many doctors can a girl have?  So as quickly as I learned to be prepared for the unexpected, I’m now learning to be patient and take it one step at a time. 

I’m glad this week is behind me and rejoicing this weekend as I am reminded of God’s presence in ALL things.  I’ve had so many sweet moments with the Lord over the past 2 days . There are moments that I am disctracted with emotions and overwhelmed with my circumstances but it is well with my soul. 

“One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.  For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.” — Psalm 27:4-5

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.” –Ephesians 3:20


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Finding Balance

According to there are 31 different ways to define/use the word balance.  I like 31 flavors but not like this.  Ice cream is one thing but I’m just trying to find balance in my life right now.  No wonder I’m struggling.  I don’t feel so bad now.  Irony of all this, yesterday I was craving ice cream; today all it took was a little bit of chocalate to cross my lips and I was satisfied. 

I wish I had more to share tonight but honestly, I’ve got nothing.  There are days like this, it’s just too personal to share and that’s o.k. 

“When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set.  Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep.  He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it.  There above it stood the Lord, and he said: ‘I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac, I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying.  Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south.  All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring.  I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land.  I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.’  When Jacob awoke from his sleep he thought, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it.'”  –Genesis 28:11-16


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Woo Hoo, it’s gone, the drain that is.  My charm and wit finally worked and my doctor could no longer deny my request.  I am drain-free and it makes a world of difference.  Now begins the adjustments to my new body shape.  I didn’t think about how the absence of the drain would make me realize how different by body is.  I continue to remind myself this is only temporary and continue to make plans for when this is all done which may come sooner than I originally thought.  I am prepared for the rough road ahead with radiation and chemo at the same time but just think how much sooner I can move on.  I return to the doctors on Tuesday and it looks like I will be getting started in radiation quickly and then add the chemo in a couple weeks.  These treatments alone are tough and together I’m prepared to have to fight the good fight.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neithr are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  — Isaiah 55:8-9

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