Still Shedding

Another awesome day in spite of the continued hair loss.  I am blessed to do life with amazing friends.  I love the ability to keep in touch thru technology and feel like we’re in each other’s live’s daily.  Thank you to each of you who take time out of your busy days to keep up with me and pray for me.  I can’t express enough how much your comments mean to me and what encouragement they bring throughout my day.  God uses each of you to speak to my heart.  Trust me, He knows just the right time when I need a word and you all have been His messengers. 

This weekend has been bittersweet.  As I have faced the biggest battle of the war so far, loosing my hair, I was surrounded by mighty warriors who have stood strong and faithfully beside me this weekend.  We have cried and laughed until we cried again.  The sweetest moments are those shared with friends.  I’m so glad that I have friends like all of you.  I’m blessed by the friendships that have reconnected after many years and by the new ones that are forming through this journey. 

As I continue to shed, I’m reminded of God’s love for me, ‘30And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.’  Matthew 10:30-31  As the hair comes out and the tears flow I’m brought to a place of comfort:

I am comforted when I realize that God is not a vast computer, but a feeling, emotional person, a grander image of myself.  He loves, hates, pities, and sympathizes.  Nothing proves His large heart of sympathy more than David’s words, “Put my tears in Thy bottle; are they not in Thy book?”, Psalm 56:8.  God has a personal tear bottle for every one of His children; therefore, there is no sorrow He does not notice and no tear He does not record.  Sometimes I weep in public and sometimes in private, but private or public, God catches my falling tears and saves them.

Why does God collect my tears and note my sorrows?  I can come to only one conclusion – He is saving them for some tomorrow.  There must be a day in the future when God will stop collecting my sorrows and start rewarding me for them.  My suffering has a purpose.  The tear bottle is the measuring bottle; notched along the sides are marks to indicate how full and complete my suffering has been.

How full is my personal tear bottle, now resting in the Lord’s hands?  It may never be as full as that of Jeremiah, who wondered if “any sorrow was like unto his sorrow”, Lamentations 1:12; or like that of Paul, who ” gloried” in his sufferings for Christ’s sake, 2 Corinthians 11:18,23; and certainly not like that of Christ, whose tear bottle was big enough to hold the tears of the whole world.  Do I weep over my own sins as Job did?  Have I broken my heart over the hardness of men as Ezekiel did?

One day God will give me back my tear bottle – whether full or only partly so – and then I will have the privilege of doing what the woman did: pouring it over the feet of Him who both collects and rewards my tears, Luke 7:36-38.  Then He will wipe away all tears from my eyes forever, Revelation 21:4.

No, I did not write those poetic words but I have carried them with me thru the years from an old devotional, I was reminded of them this weekend and pulled them out to read and share.  I hope we all find some comfort in these words.  God does not waste our hurts.

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.  He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”  — Zephaniah 3:17




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8 responses to “Still Shedding

  1. Nicole Knox

    Friend … when God measures your tear bottle, he’ll add to it the tears from each friend who is beside you on this journey. We cry with you – sometimes because it hurts, sometimes because we laugh until it hurts and ultimately I know without a doubt that we’ll cry tears of JOY together when you come through this difficult season. Love you.

  2. Pam

    Nicole has said it perfectly. I’m SO looking forward to the celebration headed your way on the other side of this! It brings me joy now, to see our heavenly Father walk beside you in a way that none of us can. He is not waiting until you get to the other side; He is using you now! Love you!

  3. Amanda Bullard

    Jenn, thank you for sharing this. It is a beautiful picture of how God so feels our hurts and will use our suffering here for a purpose. Thank you for being so open and raw and for allowing God to speak to us through your story. Love you and miss you my friend. You are absolutely beautiful inside & out.

  4. Joycie

    When Jesus said that He would never leave us nor forsake us (which means to turn away from us emotionally) He meant it……and so do we. Whether or not you have hair of other body parts doesn’t have anything to do with our love for you…..and we will never leave you either especially emotionally where all of us need and desire it the most.

    Love ya bunches and big HUGS to you this day!

  5. Karen

    Crying and laughing is what us girls do best. Its ok. I cant put into words how the God is using you as you are going thru this season. You are blessing beyond measure and being used in mighty ways. I have found myself comming right to my computer to check your blog every moring. There is always something I need to hear (read) in the verses you write, one morning particular is was just what I needed for that time. Girlfriend God is using you!!!! He is using your writing, pictures and your tears!!! Keep it all comming ’cause its all being used NOW for His glory. YOU are a blessing.

  6. Kelly Morgan

    You are so precious and God is definitely using you each and everyday! I so look forward to reading your blog. There is always something I need to hear that day! You are a true inspiration to us all! I can only imagine what you are going through! The hair loss is hard but just think it may come back curly and red!! Heehee! I love you my friend! Each day is a journey but God is right beside you!

  7. Ruth Cherry

    Hey Jen: I’ve been bald as you know. It has many beneficial side effects. You can wash your “hair” with a washcloth. No tedious blow drying, curling ironing, etc. Your pretty earrings are very visible and hats are a terrific accessory. In fact, I am going to do it again on St. Baldrick’s Day 2010. Bald is Beautiful.. Love, Aunt Ruth

  8. Stephanie Johnson

    I was so very touched by the pictures of you and your co-workers at Fellowship Tech that I wanted to read more about your story.
    I was also very touched by your story, and want you to know that my thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow as you have your surgery.
    Your entry on this day really ministered to me, and I thank you for sharing these precious thoughts. They may not be your own words, but God used them in your life, and because you shared them with me; they brought comfort to me. I in turn have someone that I plan to share them with also. I have been richly blessed through you today. I am so sorry for what you are having to go through. Even though I have had close friends to go through what you are going through; I could never claim to know exactly what you are going through. May you, however, find comfort in the fact that God brought you in to my life today, and that I do care about you.
    Praying and believing,
    Stephanie Johnson (Eric Soon’s mother-in-law)

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