I have had a good day of rest and been intentional to be lazy. I’ve learned quickly this weekend how to pace myself. I wish I could say I learned it on my own but basically my body spoke and I listened. It is time to live with cancer which means adjusting meals, rest, sleep and routine in order to be able to continue on with life. I know this will not be easy but I am smarter than cancer and I know God will lead and direct me to do what I need to do when I need to do it. I feel that I am adjusting well and have managed to keep nausea to a minimum. I realized this morning as I sent my family out the door that I would be alone for the first time since my diagnosis but no fear my friends were already lined up to be with me and care for me. I even have a roomie for the night, I’m so excited. It’s like having a sleepover every night. Oh, it’s so much fun to be a girl!
I’m planning to go back to work tomorrow and get back into a normal routine with a few doctors appointments each week. Not looking forward to lab work each week but I’ve been told that will be how they monitor all of my blood cell counts and keep track of me and make sure I stay as healthy as possible during my treatments. That makes it all worth it. I will do whatever I have to do at this point. It is my goal to live my life with cancer until it is gone and not let the cancer run my life. As it looks right now, I will have 5 more treatments that will take me into the beginning of February. (Hopefully, I will be done before my birthday, I see a huge celebration coming up in February)
This time next year I’m planning a HUGE celebration for God’s deliverance through this. Sometimes He delivers us from it and sometimes He delivers us through it. I know that I will never be the same and for that I will celebrate Him and give Him the praise for all that He is going to do over the next year to two years. However long this takes, I will be faithful and walk with Him.
I know that many of you reading this are having your own trials and they may not be the same as mine but nonetheless they are just as huge in your life as this is in mine. I promise you that He cares about your life with the same intimacy that He is caring for me. Seek Him and you will find Him. He is waiting to care for you. There was a moment early this year that I reached a point that I knew I couldn’t control it anymore, there were many things in my life that I did not feel content or fulfillment. In my desperate cry out to Him, I said “I give it all to you, I can’t do it anymore”. And he spoke very clearly and said, “I never asked you to”. With that simple answer I laid everything down and began the greatest journey of my life with the Father. He has shown me amazing things and answered every thought I’ve have and every question I’ve asked. I look back over this year and know that He has prepared me for this exact moment. He wants to do the same for you. For me, I had to learn to trust, let go of control and trust Him completely. What about you, will you trust Him with everything? I promise He will never disappoint and His ways are always higher than our ways. His word says that He came to give us an abundant life and we CAN have it even in the midst of the biggest trials.
I want to share from my devotional today, “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. This devotional is written as if Jesus is talking to us. I hope you hear Him in the following words.
“Do not be discouraged by the difficulty of keeping your focus on Me. I know that your heart’s desire is to be aware of My Presence continually. This is a lofty goal; you aim toward it but never fully achieve it in this life. Don’t let feelings of failure weigh you down. Instead, try to see yourself as I see you. First of all, I am delighted by your deep desire to walk closely with Me through your life. I am pleased each time you initiate communication with Me. In addition, I notice the progress you have made since you first resolved to live in My Presence.
When you realize that your mind has wandered away from Me, don’t be alarmed or surprised. You live in a world that has been rigged to distract you. Each time you plow your way through the massive distractions to communicate with Me, you achieve a victory. Rejoice in these tiny triumphs, and they will increasingly light up your days.”
“And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:19