Monthly Archives: November 2009

Take 2

Well, another surgery done.  It was quick and painless. Wow, I can’t believe I just said that.  I’m home and truly blessed.  The Great Physician has been at work.

I am doing well but will need some help over the next couple weeks as I recover.  This is very hard for me to admit but I’ve been reminded that I am not superwoman.  Please feel free to check out the link to my care calendar on the page at the top.

Well, anesthesia has some lingering effects and I’m falling asleep.  Good night all.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.”  — Psalm 32:8

“But our citizenship is in heaven.  And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his contol, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.”  — Philippians 3:20-21

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Accessories

A great day:  rest, pre-packing organization and no pain meds.  Yes, that’s right packing.  I’m moving in a few weeks to a new apartment, in the same complex.  They are letting me move into a larger apartment for the same price.  (Yay, God!)  This will be most helpful as family and friends come and go to help care for me during treatments and such.  It’s a long road ahead of me and a little more square footage helps us all endure.  So, along mid-December I’ll be hosting a packing party, come one, come all.

Another great thing about today, is that I’m feeling more like myself.  I wasn’t quite prepared for the feelings of awkwardness to arise after my surgery.  There are a ton of emotions and feelings to deal with and I’m confident that Christ has given me a power to overcome all of them as his daughter.  The same power that raised His son from the grave is promised to live in each of us when we submit our lives to him and accept him as our Savior.  After a few days of rest and being inside, I was ready to accept my lot and get out into the real world.  I’m grateful that there are things and accessories that help us look “normal” even when nothing is.  As I shared with my momma today, one of these is not like the other but that’s o.k.  There will be constant adjustments over the next few months and years but as I am continually reminded that this is only temporary.  There will be victory in the end. 

Girlfriends, I’m reminded through all of this, love has many different faces and kinds of relationships.  I  have never felt as loved as I do through this.  I’ll be honest there are times I wonder if a man will ever love me because of the battle I fight but I know that I am loved and have experienced the best relationship from each of you.  It’s not easy to walk this road single but I could not ask for more than what I have experienced through friendship along the way (and this includes the men in my life as well).  The Lord is not surprised by the timing and I trust with all that is within me that He will use this to show us all great and unimaginable things if we’ll just hold on for the ride.

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us”  –Ephesians 3:16-20

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Retail Therapy

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends.  After a few rough days this week I had a great time with my parents.  This week has been a great time of reflection over the past year.  Many thanks to all who have reached out and been with me through it all.  The Lord is faithful. 

Words of a friend ring through my mind this week, “distance between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep”.  Oh, those words have never been truer than this week.  “His joy comes in the morning.”  Indeed it does.  This week has had its share of adjustments.  As I recover from surgery, deal with major changes to my body and learn that I need more surgery immediately, my head has spun and emotions have run high and low.  But the One that hasn’t changed is the Lord. 

I made a major accomplishment today, Black Friday shopping is a tradition in our family and I had decided to go last night but this morning I was nervous to be out in the crowds.  My dad challenged me to try it and promised to guard me from any pushing and shoving if it occurred, my very own body-guard.  Truth be known, I was nervous to be out because I didn’t look “normal”.   After a little persuasion, I was dressed with my wig on and ready to go.  It turns out retail therapy is good medicine.  After a few purchases I was good and feeling like myself.  Although my energy did not sustain for long I was able to get a few good deals.  We returned home and promptly went back to bed.  After a 3 hour nap, I was well rested and felt like I had conquered the day. 

I’m learning this year many things look different from years past but I will be forever grateful for the lessons I’m learning along the way.

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  –Psalm 118:24

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.  For the Lord is good and his love endures forever, his faithfulness continues through all generations.” –Psalm 100:4-5

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Anything but Routine

I went in for a routine office visit with Dr. Laidley only to be reminded quickly that there is nothing routine in my life.  It seems that all of the cancer was removed from the lymphnodes and the tumor but there is still some cells in the skin tissue.  So I will be back in surgery on Monday.  I have to admit I’m not excited.  I had a moment tonight that I felt like enough, can’t something just go the way it’s suppose to?  One day at a time, right?  I’m trying, Lord give me strength to walk thru this and comfort me in the darkness when I’m just plain tired.  This is one of those nights.

I look forward to tomorrow with lots of turkey and comfort foods.  I can’t wait to dive into lots of yummy foods.  I hope that all of you enjoy your day with loved ones.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  — 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”  — Romans 15:13

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Home Alone

I got to stay home alone today, I felt like such a big girl.  You know the way you felt at as a kid when you were excited and nervous at the same time?  That was me today.  I was nervous that I wasn’t good enough to stay by myself but I did it.  It turns out I’m still a big girl. 

I was reminded today that no matter how old we get we’re never too old to learn something.  As I reflected on this season, the whole month, I thought about choices.  No matter how old we are or what our trials are we all have a choice.  As a Christ-follower, I have the power to have victory over any trial.  That doesn’t mean life won’t have trials or that I get to breeze right thru them.  But it does mean that with Christ I have the power to walk thru them with confidence that I will stand in victory on the other side. 

As I walk in this I’m learning to take time to reflect, rest when I need to and be attentive to the lessons to be learned.  There will always be a chance to get upset and respond with negativity, frustration and anger.  I still have those moments more often than I like to admit.  However, I’m gaining ground to walk in victory of responding with grace, mercy and a positive attitude.  I believe Christ is honored in our response and I choose to live like Christ and honor Him. 

I had some moments of reality today as I saw my scar and deal with the feelings (or lack of) around my incision.  I know that my body has undergone many changes and this is only the beginning.  Even as hard as it is to see this, I was reminded that this is only temporary.  My first response is sadness but I can’t stay there for long as I think about victory and there will come a day when all of this will be a mere memory.  I walk thru each day and try to remember that it is one day closer to the finish line.

“Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.”  — Psalm 89:15

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Home Sweet Home

I made it home from the hospital today.  It’s great to be settled in my own home.  I’ve been told I’m doing great and anticipate to get these drains out soon, i.e. this week.  Woo Hoo!  How awesome is my doctor? She told me that she’s in town over the holiday and if my drains stop producing anything to call her and she’ll meet me in the office and take them out.  How great is that?!?!?  I love my doc. 

I’m tired tonight and so I’ll be keeping short as I’m about to fall asleep. 

“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”  — Psalm 4:8

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Joy in the Midst…

It may be hard to believe that you can have great days in the hospital but I have.  I am up moving around and feeling great.  My doctor and nurses say I’m doing great and will continue to do great on my own so homeward bound tomorrow. 

I must say that I am a bit overwhelmed with the outpour of love and support that all have shown, my heart is overflowing with gratitude.  It has been a wonderful testimony to my family.  They have been truly blessed that everyone has taken such great care of their baby girl in their absence and even while they’re here.  I get to have them here for another week and we’re looking forward to some time at home (after we bust out of here). 

There’s still a little bit of care that’s needs to happen until I get to have the drains removed. (Don’t ask you might not really want to know.)  Let’s just say I have a couple tubes that stay post-op until the body heals (about 2 weeks) then once they are removed I’ll be back on track.  Chemo should resume in about 3-4 weeks, I’m giving the docs 3 weeks to keep me on schedule but then again we’ve established I don’t have the M.D behind my name so it may take 4.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned for sure in all of this is to go with the flow and be prepared for anything.  I learned a long time ago, be flexible and you won’t get bent out of shape.  This is as good a time as any to practice.  As I’ve talked with the nurses today I’m reminded again of how great my doctors are and I know that God has ordained my time with them.  So, I honestly sit back and walk in faith that all of this is happening just as it should be. 

My devotion from today is so perfect to express my thoughts.  As some of you may remember I’m reading thru “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young.  Here’s what today’s was:

A thankful attitude opens windows of heaven.  Spiritual blessings fall freely onto you through those openings into eternity.  Moreover, as you look up with a grateful heart, you get glimpses of Glory through those windows.  You cannot yet live in heaven, but you can experience foretastes of your ultimate home.  Such samples of heavenly fare revive your hope.  Thankfulness opens you up to these experiences, which then provide further reasons to be grateful.  Thus, your path becomes an upward spiral: ever increasing in gladness.

Thankfulness is not some sort of magic formula; it is the language of Love, which enable you to communicate intimately with Me.  A thankful mind-set does not entail a denial of reality with its plethora of problems.  Instead, it rejoices in Me, your Savior, in the midst of trials and tribulations.  I am your refuge and strength, an ever-present and well-proved help in trouble.

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.”  — Habakkuk 3:17-18

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”  — Psalm 46:1

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